Divergence and Aloha

As the hour-long journey on the train is about to take off, a drove of people with ages ranging from 20 to 50 walks in. I see one in an earflap winter hat with the capital letters P H I S H across the back. Ah. A Phish concert recently let out.

The oldest of the bunch that reside in the carriage I chose to ride in begins to drunkenly sing (more like loudly yell) a Phish song. I don't hate it yet. It's just one song.

It is not just one song. It is 1:35am and they have been doing this since before the train started moving at 1:09.

Another older man, maybe in his early 40's, walks from an attached carriage into ours. I think he might tell them to be quiet. Instead, he begins yelling about how the musicians in Phish are "THE BEST MUSICIANS IN THE WORLD". His diction is so aggressive that spit is coming out of and also falling off of his lips as he speaks.

He decides to calm down and talk to two younger guys that also went to the concert. He asks them what grade they are in at high school. Funny guy, I tell you. The boys correct him and let him know that they're in college. He asks where and one responds with Stamford, to which he smugly replies "Okay, alright" as if to say he approves, and of course his approval is important to these boys who do not know him. The other says he goes to Wash U. He's less impressed, likely because he doesn't know anything about it. A seemingly accurate slice of the Phish demographic pie is represented in this train.

This is the New York train to Stamford. The New Yorker is coming out in me because I feel so inclined to shut these people down in my aggressive New York way, but then I think of how far I am from being a New Yorker. The couple sitting next to me are having a conversation with each other and do not seem phased by the noise around them whatsoever. They are New Yorkers. The concert-goers who see this train as a continuation of their fun night, rather than simply as a form of transportation home - they are New Yorkers. I have forgotten to preemptively shift my weight in anticipation of a stop on the subway. I am not a New Yorker.

Sometimes I feel like one. When I am driving somewhere that I want to get to quickly, and I can comfortably weave around cars, I feel like a New Yorker. When 9/11 is discussed, I feel like a New Yorker. I feel a sense of pride in being from New York.

I just read Divergent. The protagonist, Tris, is equally apt for three of five factions - something that is virtually unheard of, as most people fit nearly into one. As I was reading, I really resonated with her. I feel divergent sometimes, too.

"Where are you from?" is a more complicated question for me than for most. I was born in one place and lived there for 8 years, lived here in New York for the next 10 years, went to college elsewhere, got married and moved across the country to California, and now I live in Hawaii. I'm not sure which place should be my response.

Divergence isn't easy. It makes Tris uncomfortable, but it also makes the people around her uncomfortable. She isn't sure of her place and she never feels totally at home anywhere. She has to make the choice between betraying her family or betraying herself. Coming "home" to New York reminds me that, although I love Hawaii (and I do, more than any other place I've been), parts of me will always be in places that host my family and friends. Staying in the same place and being surrounded by the people you already know and love is comfortable. Divergence is not.

I am not English enough to English people, New York enough to New Yorkers, or Hawaiian enough at all. I feel somewhat like an outsider no matter where I am, like Tris. Tris is not selfless enough in Abnegation or cruel enough in Dauntless, but she has to make a choice to define herself by one.

Though it may be scary and uncomfortable, divergence is also powerful. Tris, because she is divergent, is able to resist a type of mind-control in the novel. I am happy that I ventured out of New York. I am glad that I have lived in many places because having less blind allegiance to one location makes me more open to experiencing new ones. It may make me and other people uncomfortable that I do not fit neatly into one 'faction', but I have found people and places and food that I love, and ideas that would have never crossed my mind, by leaving the place that felt comfortable for so many years.

I teach students who are a part of a military family. I am in awe of their divergence. Many of them have lived in five different places already, and they are only 12 or 13. They adapt to new environments, taking pieces of each place with them, with no choice but to be open to a new experience and a new culture. They make new friends every time they move and are prepared to move on when the time comes. They are more prepared than I think they know for what they will have to encounter later in life: for the "aloha" that means both goodbye and hello.

Two Bags

Chloe here.

I am moving to Hawai'i in less than 5 days. Well, sort of. I'm going to Hawai'i, then Phoenix for a month, and then officially moving to Hawai'i on July 4th. Either way, I'm packing up all my belongings and moving again.

It is such a strange thing to be happy and sad all at once. I find it difficult to honor both feelings and I'm never sure which to attend to. In my last few days at home, I struggle to show that I am sad about leaving without acting depressing, so I try to focus on the part of moving that makes me happy. I just hope that by doing this I am not disappointing those around me; I hope that they know how much I wish I could stay with them, or at least bring them with me. :)

Moving certainly forces me to evaluate the different aspects of my life in the same way that I have to evaluate what is worth packing. When you are limited to two bags, you have to make those decisions whether you want to or not. While my life is not really limited to "two bags", long-distance relationships (not just romantic) require a fair amount of time and effort to maintain, and my time and effort are limited.

I am forever trying to move in the direction of positivity. I want to spend my time and effort on the people in my life that are also moving in that direction. I want to cheer those people on and feel confident knowing that they will do the same for me, no matter how far apart we may be. It is easy to feel alone when you are on an island far away; I need people who make me feel at home.

"Lots of things can be fixed. Things can be fixed. But many times, relationships between people cannot be fixed, because they should not be fixed. You're aboard a ship setting sail, and the other person has joined the inland circus, or is boarding a different ship, and you just can't be with each other anymore. Because you shouldn't be." - C. Joybell C.

I am looking forward to setting sail and starting the next chapter of my life in paradise, but it is bittersweet. I am so glad to have had this time at home with my family and friends, and I am more sure than ever of what and who I will miss. I am so grateful to have people in my life that make me feel as though I never left when I come back 'home'. The rest is excess baggage.

Influence

As I'm sure I've stated before, my Interpersonal Communication degree from UD has provided me with more than words can express.  My communication skills with family, friends, acquaintances, and business associates were greatly fine tuned (for the extreme positive) with what I learned.

One class in particular, communication and persuasion, has been a constant reference as I embark on my Soom Foods journey of marketing and sales.

In my last post I (half ass-ly) ranted about the responsibilities of reaching an audience, and the implications of product placement and advertising.  My feelings towards the obvious and scary affects of successful advertising actually stem from this communication and persuasion class.
Shout out to Professor Dannagal Young.

In this class, we read Influence by Robert Cialdini, a well-known psychology and marketing professor.  The book highlights six key principles of influence; reciprocity, commitment and consistency, social proof, authority, liking, and scarcity.

I am working hard to try to apply these key principles as I work to "influence" people to buy and use Soom Foods’ products.

1. Reciprocity: people tend to return favors.  Soom Foods’ application: free samples!

         Life application: you scratch my back; I scratch yours.

2. Commitment and consistency: people are more likely to honor a commitment when it is declared verbally, and more so in writing.  Soom Foods’ application: encouraging consumers to make great dishes using tehina, take a picture, and share.

        You can read more about this idea on my Soom Foods blog.

3. Social Proof: people tend to do things they see other people doing.  Soom Foods’ application: an interactive recipe database, for people to share how they are using tehina, and ultimately influence other people to partake.

Life application: have you and your friends ever pretended to stare at something, and then note how many people try to see what you're seeing.  Well, me and my friends did that, tons of people looked, and we found it hysterical.

4. Authority: people typically obey authority figures.  Soom Foods’ application: citing nutritionists about the health benefits of tehina.

           Life application: A doctor tells you that you need a certain medicine; you take it (and if you're like me, you (unfortunately) don't look into it much.)

5. Liking: people are more easily persuaded by people they like.  Soom Foods’ application: tasting parties.  People are more likely to buy a product if they like the person selling it to them.  If they are introduced to tehina at a friend’s house in a party setting, they are more likely to purchase.

          Life application: think tupperware parties.

6. Scarcity: the perception of scarcity will generate demand.  Soom Foods’ application: well, we really do only have a limited amount of jars to sell.  We’re new, and keeping it small for now… 

         Life application: "... buy one while supplies last!"

Why am I being so transparent about my intentions?  I have nothing to hide.  I’m proud of our product; it’s delicious, nutritious, versatile, and fun to use.  If I influence people to purchase this product, it’s because I genuinely believe in it’s benefits for them.  

Like I said before, I couldn’t imagine successfully advertising about something that didn’t have a positive influence on whomever I was reaching.

If you are in sales and/or marketing, consider these principles.  Each one is also great to consider for successfully influencing people around you.  
Consider implementing this theory for something you believe in. 

More Than Dresses

The Grammy’s are an ultimate advertisement.  Sure, like everything, commercials are strategically placed; but I'm thinking about the Red Carpet -  the actresses and their dresses.

As a person now far too aware of reaching people to buy your product, I constantly analyze the implications of product placement.  Hell, I’ll be honest; I want whoever made Octavia Spencer’s dress at the Oscars to make my wedding dress. When the time comes, of course.

 And, as a person now far too aware of the ability to reach people, I constantly analyze the implications of product placement.  Now, I’m not reaching many people.  (I’m talking about Soom Foods.  Which I do hope one day does reach many people!)

We have under 150 followers on facebook, and I can’t even tell you who we follow/are followed by on twitter or pinterest or blogger (yet!) But I care about the message we are sending.  If even one person reads it, it matters.

Back to the dresses, and the interviews on the red carpet.  With ONE BILLION VIEWERS.  

What if something more was talked about, something of meaning, something important?

Helen Hunt actually did exactly what I was thinking!  Who made her dress?  H&M in collaboration with Global Green -  she already owned it and got to promote the line’s cause to fight climate change.   Two birds with one stone- consumerism and climate change.  I’m impressed.

I don’t want to take credit away from designers- they are talented, hard working, and deserve credit where credit is due.  But imagine if some of the actress' time on camera was prompted to talk about an organization they believe in, or an issue they think is important to discuss; rather than the full time allocated to their dress, and the manicure runway.

Call me crazy, too serious, a hater... but I just think it should be more widely accepted to dig a little deeper.

Checks and Balances

It has been a while since I last posted. This is not for lack of inspiration; there have been a few topics I wanted to write about, but I wasn't sure if my thoughts would be taken as I intended them, so I decided against sharing them publicly. It feels unnatural not to share, but I guess that's what a private journal is for!

Speaking of natural - I have been re-watching Blue Planet recently. It is just as incredible as it was the first time I saw it. A couple of stories in particular stuck out for me, and I would like to share them.

1. The Sun Fish and the Half Moon Fish

For a sap like me, this is a lovely example of how an odd couple of fish that would seem to be likely enemies (based on size and diet) are able to establish a mutually beneficial relationship. The sun fish is a LARGE fish (up to 4 meters long) and unfortunately, lots of parasites want to use it as a host. Luckily, the half moon fish are willing to act as the sun fish's own (tiny) personal hygienists. Half moon fish will clean the sun fish by eating all the parasites off of it. This symbiotic relationship (I can now only hear this phrase in the voice of my friends' 3-year-old son since he learned it on Diego or Dora) is a natural system of checks and balances in the ocean. The sun fish will not fall ill to the parasites, and the half moon fish get a good meal without the fear of being devoured by the sun fish.


2. Hatchet Fish and Predator

On Blue Planet, they called this an "Evolutionary Arms Race" and I can't beat that perfect terminology. This relationship opposes the last; these two fish do not use each other's strengths to supplement their weaknesses, but rather use their own strengths to exploit the other's weaknesses. They are creatures of the deep sea who utilize what little light exists there to hide from and seek prey. The hatchet fish is able to employ photophores on its underside to perfectly match the color of the water (and light) above them; it does this to make itself virtually invisible to predators below. However, one predator (which was left unnamed) has a counter-attack to this genius tactic: its giant yellow eyes are able to distinguish the light created by the photophores from the light created by the sun, making the hatchet fish visible once again. This is a brilliant natural application of Newton's Third Law (of motion?): For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.



Opposites attract. There is something to be said about the yin and yang of a relationship: the strengths of one being fill in the deficiencies of another. This is true of people as well, and the outcome can be equally as uncertain. A person whose strengths and weaknesses oppose your own can be either your greatest asset or your strongest opponent. As a friend, this person can promote your personal growth by utilizing and thus appreciating your strengths and inspiring your development in areas of weakness by leading by example. But... if this person is a foe, it is only a matter of time until they swim up from under you and attack.

Travel Stressors: React / Respond

I just returned to California after a 2-week-long trip to the East Coast. I had the chance to catch up with family and friends, some of which I hadn't seen in a year. During this vacation, I experienced a slew of emotions, not only because of the people I saw and the time I had, but also because of the (not so) simple act of traveling.
  

Overload

My trip from Monterey to New York consisted of three connecting flights. This in itself is a recipe for disaster, but it was the cheapest option I could find. My first flight, from Monterey to San Francisco, was delayed about 30 minutes. As the connecting time between the first and second flight was only 45 minutes, this made my chances of making all three flights very slim. While sitting at the airport alone (as in, literally not one other person was waiting for this flight) I was feeling overwhelmed. On one hand, I was stressing out about everything that could, and probably would, go wrong: this flight had been cancelled and they had forgotten to post that information anywhere, the flight would not arrive to San Francisco with enough time for me to make my connection, the flight WOULD arrive in time but because my connection was at the opposite end of the airport, I wouldn't be able to get there quickly enough, etc. However, the other part of my brain was jittery with excitement about getting there, being with my family for the holidays, and seeing friends that I have missed spending time with. I didn't feel like I had the control to choose which emotions to feel because my mind was being overloaded with thoughts, both positive and negative.

Selection

The flight wasn't cancelled, and three other people showed up for it (yes, there were only four people on this flight), so we boarded the plane. The planes at this airport are large enough to hold about 45 people and have propellers on either side of the aircraft.

As I stretched out across two seats, I listened to the whirring sound of the propellers next to me and made a conscious decision to consider the sound relaxing, as opposed to alarming. Naturally, I had some feelings of fear, but I decided to view the causal agents of these feelings from another perspective. By doing this I was able to re-frame the emotion and choose the more comforting alternative. This was a particularly useful strategy in this moment, and I am glad that I was able to employ it; had I allowed the fear to rule over my thoughts, I am not sure that I would have felt calm enough to take the necessary steps to make my connecting flight (getting from this plane to another section of the airport where I had to catch a bus that would take me to the correct terminal and hauling it to the gate to catch the next flight). The process of selection is one I have not mastered and will continue to work on, because this experience has proved how beneficial it can be.

Recognition

After a long night of flying, I was relieved to arrive in New York. My parents came to pick me up from the airport and I was extremely happy to see them. As we began our journey home, I realized just how much I had forgotten about New York and how much I had adapted to California. The difference between these two places, specifically in regards to driving, is striking. In Monterey, it would be unusual to drive any faster than the speed limit on the highway, the lanes are wider, and there is just a general sense of leisure. In New York, there are inches between cars and wherever you can fit your car is considered a valid lane.

This sight made me smile. I was so thankful: thankful that I was not driving, thankful that I was back home, and thankful that I did not live in this helter-skelter city permanently. When I first moved to California, the easy-going pace of drivers frustrated me. I wanted to get to my destination as quickly as possible and I couldn't understand why others didn't feel the same way. I missed New York driving. This visit home has inspired in me an appreciation for both cities; I am now more able to see things from both sides and recognize that some of the things that frustrate me about a place are also the things that I may miss the most, because they are the very things that define it.

Response

Our flights back to Monterey were scheduled for January 1. After a fun New Year's Eve, we woke up early and got everything done so that we were at the airport in time. Or so we thought. After a series of unfortunate events, we attempted to check-in our bags 5 minutes passed the deadline, and were refused passage. I was overcome with negative emotions: sadness, frustration, defeat, dismay. I went to the ticket counter to see what our options were and was told to call the airline's reservations number. After an hour of back-and-forth, going through options that would have either cost over $1000 to book or that would arrive in airports 2 hours from our original destination, I was finally able to secure a flight for the next morning that didn't break the bank and flew into Monterey. I cannot deny that I was visibly distressed by the situation and that my reaction was not calm; however, I was able to step back from my emotions and devise a response that would help to resolve the issue.

While these two words may be listed as synonyms in the dictionary, there is a difference between reaction and response. Our reaction is immediate; it is the natural feeling that arises when something happens. We do not have control over it. Our response, however, is conscious. Although it is often very difficult, we do have the ability to control it. As I mentioned earlier, I am not an expert of this skill and it is one that I will continue to work on, because when I am able to respond instead of react, the result is always more in-line with my goals.