A Personal Example

This is Amy.
I wanted to take a post to put a personal spin on Chloe's last two writings.  I think Chloe did an excellent job explaining the ideas behind Ego and Shadow; and I think the question "Why?" is exactly what needs to be addressed when trying to understand the battle of our consciousness.
What is my ego?  What do I show to others? An independent, calm, happy, confident young woman; a hard-working aspiring entrepreneur.
What, then, is lurking in my shadow?
When my ego is attacked, a tiny light exposes my shadow, a part of me that is nestled deep in my gut where it lies usually undisturbed.  If this happens, I don't turn to anger (as many do), rather sadness.  Tears; and lots of them.  As Chloe depicted, they flow from my eyes like lava from a volcano.
So yesterday, upon returning from a (mostly) business trip to Ethiopia, I found myself crying uncontrollably after a phone conversation with my oldest sister and business partner, Shelby.
Did Shelby say something mean to me?  No.  Did she tell me bad news?  No, thank god.
After telling her that a particular Ethiopian mogul expressed interest in doing business with our company, she started asking me questions about numbers; investments, budgets, and other business jargon that I did not have answers to.
And there, my friends, (or friend, Chloe, since I'm not sure anyone else is reading this...) is where my ego was bruised and my shadow was exposed.  I didn't know.
The independent, confident, hard-working entrepreneur should know.  A young, unsure, inexperienced twenty-three year old didn't.
If being independent, confident, and knowledgable, etc. are what make up my ego; needing help, being unsure, and not knowing are what make up my shadow.  In this instance, my ego was under attack and my shadow was vulnerable.  And what was my defense mechanism?  A barrage of tears and immense sadness.
A similar thing happens when my mother or father offers advice about my entrepreneurial endeavors.  I become defensive and dismissive.  With each piece of advice they offer, I've felt like they are chipping away at my ego and exposing my shadow.  I don't start crying each time, but I do act uncharacteristically, dismissive and rude.
How can I better control myself?  To not cry or become dismissive and rude?
Take the time to ask "Why?"
Why do I feel sad?  Why am I becoming dismissive?  The answer is there, lurking in my shadow.
I am learning to bring to my consciousness the fact that I need other people; I'm learning to embrace the fact that I do not know everything.   By doing this, by integrating those things that I've tried to suppress, I am able to, as Chloe put so nicely, "become more whole, more balanced, and less threatened by others."